Lately I’ve been thinking a bit about dating and relationships. I’m not exactly sure what started it all, honestly. It’s probably a combination of the college fall retreat last weekend (which discussed extensively what it looks like to have relationships that are healthy and God-honoring) or the fact that like eight people I know got engaged within the past month or so. In any sense, I’ve been thinking about it.
It’s been killing me, honestly, because I’ve been trying to figure out what practically it would look like to pursue a girl meaningfully, and still not waiver in pursuit of Jesus. Maybe that’s an easy question, but it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I guess it’s tricky for me to grasp because I’ve seldom seen it done the right way. Everything I’ve learned about girls and how to date has come more or less from high school, the internet and chick-flicks. From what I could gather, romantic interaction with girls was supposed to be a give and take of coyness and sarcasm that always left the other person feeling a little offended but secretly wanting to makeout in the pouring rain. You never stated your true intentions in the encounter, partially because most times there really wasn’t one, but more importantly because it was a cop-out, admitting defeat. If, in all of this, you managed to find a girl that you enjoyed being around, you would cling to her like the squirrel on ice age clings to his acorn. A huge portion of your idenity came from this person, and you tended to hope that they would always be there for you, no matter what. So naturally, you were devastated at the end of the relationship because you had put all your eggs in that basket. After two months of unshakable love, it was over.
Of course, getting older hasn’t made it much better. There’s still that inclination toward giddy, puppy love, and wanting to just have that feeling of identity and security that comes with being in a relationship. I’ve found out the hard way, that that’s a horrible reason to be in a relationship. Because when the focus is mainly on this other person, it’s extremely hard to be captivated by Jesus. He almost always ends up getting pushed off to the side. So, the dilemma I’ve been struggling with, is how to pursue a girl and be in a relationship without sacrificing my intimacy with Jesus. I was talking to my mom about it last night because one, she’s married, and two, because she’s has a way of being very wise and very practical at the same time.
“I guess I just feel like these two relationships are mutually exclusive…that you can’t have two intimate, deep relationships at a time” I told her. “Just the same as you can’t drive two cars at the same time. I mean, you certainly can have two different cars, but there’s always the one that you count on more than the other.”
“Well, I see what you’re saying,” she said, “but I think it’s more like a highway. I think the key isn’t to be able to balance between the two, but rather, to find a girl that is headed your same direction, and merge onto the highway alongside her. In the end you guys are both driving toward the same place, but in the meantime you get to hang out together and build a companionship.”
For whatever reason, that just made a whole lot of sense. I mean, I’ve heard that I was supposed to date and marry a christian girl since I knew what dating was, but I guess I never really thought about the logistics of it. I dunno, maybe my brain is just weird, and maybe I just think too hard about things that don’t require that much thought, but either way I think I have a grasp on it now. Drive toward Jesus, enjoy the trip. If you happen to meet someone whose personality clicks with yours, and they’re headed the same direction, then enjoy the trip together. Keep each other company, and focused on driving.